Ballerina Farm: Two Open Letters

In the past two weeks, I’ve seen millions, and I mean millions of women, take to the internet to share their thoughts about Ballerina Farms and The Times article. I thought I would throw in my two cents in the form of an open letter to Hannah, then women of the internet.

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Dear Hannah,

Our paths have never crossed and they probably never will. I see what you’ve built: home and family, and happiness you call your own. I’m proud of you. Life is not easy, there are no certainties, and we bloom in different times and different places. First and foremost, I am proud of you. Look at all you’ve accomplished. Let’s just start with Juilliard. You were the first woman to walk across that stage as a mother. How inspiring! What a testament to today’s modern mother: achieving the highest accolades that exist, and still making the choice to have a child out of an abundance of love to give. I am not a Christian or Mormon, and I’m not here to talk about my religion, but I did want to say that I understand. Sometimes our beliefs make us do things that look crazy from an outside perspective. I am currently in the midst of a transition similar to your shift from dancer to mother (though you will always be a dancer, and always be a mother no matter what other hats you choose to wear). If I had an interview with the same interviewer, she would have probably come to the same conclusions about my life. Picked up and moved for my man, I look to him when I’m answering questions. Not because I’m scared to say something “wrong,” but because this man knows me more than I know me, so I look to him when a question is hard to answer or when I know we’ve spoken about this, but I’m not sure where to start. You shared aspects of your life you likely already felt unsteady sharing, such as having an epidural for one child and enjoying it, as well as being so exhausted as a mother that another parent has to take over, sometimes for a week at a time. It’s not fair to you, and I’m sorry that those things were used to try to paint a picture of your life that isn’t reality. I’m sorry that you went into this thinking you were going to show women of today that they can make whatever choices they want, and were torn down by those women. I’m proud of you, Hannah. You took one of the worst women on women shaming I've ever seen and clapped back so gracefully, You are beautiful light with an abundance of love to give; keep letting that guide you.

Sincerely,

Honey, a new fan

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Dear women of the internet,

We have thousands of years of having power stripped, choices made without our say and being silenced under our belt as women. There has never been a better time (at least not since before Babylon) for women to rise in power. Let me tell you what’s not going to get us there: taking two weeks to fight each other over another woman’s life choices. Women are the main bearers of sexual trauma, and that includes whole relationships we had no say in. It makes sense that our alarm bells went off, especially when the article in question was written in a way to make alarm bells go off. Let’s take this lesson and learn for the future. For instance, is screaming at someone that they're being abused in front of their abuser really the best way to help someone who didn’t ask? A lot of you are projecting your trauma onto similar situations and you need to hear that what happened to you is the exception, not the rule. I don’t know this reporter’s life obviously, but she admitted herself that she thought she would be talking one-on-one to Hannah and it didn’t prove to work like that. Instead of shifting her perspective, she became frustrated and insistent that Hannah didn’t feel safe saying things to her, and we can see that in the article. It’s shrouded in an air of “I wanted to talk to the woman, but it’s so sad her man kept getting in the way. Poor her.” When realistically, in Hannah’s own words, she just looks to him as a partner in everything, they are 'one voice.' My partner and I feel that way and we aren’t religious and have no kids. Do they probably have some relationship stuff to unpack? Sure, who doesn’t? Does she probably harbor grief for parts of her past life? Sure, so do I and so do a lot of women when they make shifts. Do either of these things mean she is powerless, silent, or not in control? No. For you to violently insist she is those things in a very public way is just insulting and stops us from advancing. Knowing their lifestyle, I don’t know if the kids have access to TikTok or not, but I truly hope they haven’t seen the things strangers on the internet are insisting are true about their parents. What throws me about this whole debate in which women are feeling the need to violently defend their way of life, is that it’s been all women. There’s not been one man’s voice fueling this fire. It’s been all women against women. Here’s what we can take away for the future: give women the same grace, understanding, compassion, etc that you demand men give them. Stop tearing women down for their decisions. Do you know how women gain back the power that men took from them? When the men look around and see that no matter what choices women are making, they have the support of other women, and realize they’re no longer relied upon. We’ve had our choices stripped for so long that we should be praising women for simply making decisions. And finally, next time you find yourself in anyone’s comment section, telling them they are a victim, back out, go find women who are asking for help and help them. There are plenty of them out there; Put the same time, money, and resources into them as you did Ballerina Farm for the past two weeks.

Sincerely,

Honey, still a fan, but let’s do better